Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Regrets

With the death of my son I have regrets.  I should have decided to bring him to the hospital earlier.  I should have not taken dengue lightly.  Why did I linger, why did I delay.  Why? Why?

I am a spendthrift. I know that hospital bills are high, even for a few days of stay, your bills could run to thousands.  I am no stranger to hospitals and even to death.  My mother, my grandfather, my father, my aunt, my mother-in-law - they died in the hospital. I was exchanging my sons life by saving on expenses.  What kind of father am I?  And what happened? My son died and the hospital bill and other expenses were close to a million.

I took him to the hospital when it was late and the disease has spread affecting his kidneys, pancreas, liver, lungs and heart.  He was in a sorry state in the ICU with all those tubes connected to his body. It was my fault, he doesn't have to suffer like that and seeing him die is the most painful.

I'm sorry my son. I let you down.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Nostalgia 1

Gelo spent three weeks in the hospital after his operation.  When he was discharged, we hurriedly arranged for his baptism.  What a joyous day when he was Christened and joined the Christian world.  That was also a Thanksgiving day.

When he was about 4 months old, his pediatrician recommended that he can start eating baby food, but not before clearing with the pediatric surgeon first.  He was to have a barium x-ray first to determine if the operated esophageal tube has no leak.  And the result was negative.  Yes! Gelo can start eating his baby food.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

A Fear

Since my son Gelo died and the following days and weeks after, I begin to fear many things.  What about the remaining members of my family? My daughter, my spouse, my siblings, relatives, close friends? Me?

I begin to fear Christmas.  I fear the reality that we are not anymore complete, that amidst the coming celebration, someone, something is lacking.

I fear.



I missed you so much my son. - Dad

Friday, October 15, 2010

Nostalgia

My son Angelo Gene or Gelo as we fondly call him was 10 year old on his death.  He died on August 18, 2010.  He just celebrated his birthday on June 27, 2010.

Gelo has many health challenges since he came to this world.  He was born with a congenital anomaly know as Tracheal Esophageal Fistula.  His esophagus tube from the intestine did not connect to the tube to his throat but detoured and connected to his trachea.  As a result, he cannot be fed and he would throw up anything swallowed. He was operated 12 hours after birth, to connect his esophageal tubes.  The operation was a success. This was his first victory.